the wrap up

With the season drawing to a close, opportunities to climb are few and far between. Other than a few visits to Jackson Falls, I've been doing most of my climbing in the gym. No complaints here though- I needed a break, and the colder weather has proven itself to be an effective deterrent. I'm hoping to take this time to address a few concerns I've had regarding my well being, my future, and the role that climbing plays in my life. I've been questioning my dimensionality as a human being recently, and I think I’d like to see things change. While my pursuit of self improvement hasn't been mapped out, I'm hoping that as I begin to tackle each issue individually, solutions to my other concerns will begin to transpire. 

The transition between climbing full time and settling in at home has been challenging, but not for any of the reasons that may seem obvious. The problems that have been patiently waiting for me since I left earlier this year are beginning to recapture my attention. With no strong convictions to return to the university and no long-term vocational prospects, I find myself with a great deal of free time. As a result, my mind wanders and I've become reacquainted with some old demons. I'm not really sure how to handle this new development- sometimes I feel optimistic about finding a new path, but mostly I just worry. In a lot of ways I still feel much like I did back in March, but at least this time around I'm able to keep the crippling depression and loneliness at bay. Perhaps not the healthiest way to deal, but it's difficult to talk about the same problems with the same people. No one wants to hear a broken record, myself included. So I'm doing my best, even though it may not appear that way on the surface.

 

I don't really feel sorry for myself, as much as I just feel disappointed- discouraged even. Things had been going so well for so long; was I naive to think that things would continue that way? I don’t know- at least I’m able to stand on two feet again. It's difficult to deal with so many intangible crises at once, so I suppose all I can do is reevaluate my circumstances and hope that things will eventually turn around. Oddly enough, I've done my best to remove the word "hope" from my vocabulary until now. It's not that I consider "hope" to be a four letter word, nor do I scoff at its usage, but I've often thought that hope alone does little to effect change. More often than not, a strong will is what influences the various shifts that occur in our lives.

I suppose that's part of what draws me to climbing. I've been able to carve the path my climbing career has taken by working hard, applying myself, and doing my best to control the variables that influence success. I’ve never hoped to become a better climber. I've never hoped to send my projects. It’s important to take responsibility- to will the desired outcome. This methodology seemed to work this season; it was the best I've had during my four year career. Unfortunately, I can't apply this approach to my current state of affairs. Hard work doesn't always pay off. So, faced with fewer answers and options than I expected to have at this point, I find myself dusting off the word, reintroducing it into my lexicon, and hoping for the best.

While I continue my search for the missing puzzle pieces, I'll spend what time I have pursuing the advancement of my personal climbing career. There are plenty of disparities in my climbing repertoire, and I look forward to addressing them head on. I haven't properly trained in a gym since last winter, and I'm eager to see what a focused routine can do. Besides, exercise can do wonders for your self esteem- right?

On an unrelated note: after spending three weeks in Kentucky this Fall, it occurred to me how incredibly lucky we are to have access to such an amazing destination. The sheer volume of five-star climbs at the Red is unparalleled, and the potential for further development is staggering. If you've spent any time in the Pendergrass-Murray Recreational Preserve(PMRP) or Muir Valley, please donate to those who make climbing in these amazing sectors possible. We've all paid for gym memberships without questioning the price, but how many of us have donated to keep our cliffs open? I think we're in danger of taking our access for granted. It's important to remember that we're not entitled to climb at places like the Red River Gorge. We simply have the good fortune of living in a world where motivated, passionate people are willing to invest their time and energy into acquiring/developing these amazing cliffs. So next time you're out at the crag or planning a trip, think about how much access is worth to you.

  

Finally, I’ll admit I do a poor job of updating the blog. I’ve apologized numerous times, but have yet to deliver. Most of the time I just assume no one is reading, but perhaps my new circumstance will allow me to post more frequently. Not sure how that will influence the content, but why worry? We'll just see how it goes.

Thanks for reading.
 

The Wrap Up
Kaleidoscope (5.13c-)
Elephant Man (5.13b)
Flour Power (5.13b)
Hoofmaker (5.13a)
Mind Meld (5.12d, second go)
Team Wilson (5.12d+, onsight)
Harvest (5.12d, second go)
Flux Capacitor (5.12d, second go)
Tuna Town (5.12c, onsight)
Hot For Teacher (5.12c, second go)
Resurrection (5.12c+, onsight)
The Sauce (5.12b, second go)
The Low Easy One (5.12b, onsight)
Rocket Dog (5.12b, onsight)
Sluts Are Cool (5.12a, onsight)
Morning Wood (5.12a, onsight)
Evening Wood (5.12a, onsight)
Kick Me In The Jimmie (5.12a, onsight)
Burlier's Bane (5.12a, onsight)
Ethics Police (5.11d, onsight)