diesel

I recently quit my job at the grocery store and headed north in an attempt to break the cycle. The constant back and forth between working erratic hours at the store and jumping in the saddle to go climbing started to take its toll. I created a lifestyle for myself in which I was either working so I could afford to travel, traveling so I could go climbing, or climbing because, let's face it, it's fucking awesome. Bottom line: it was time to do something different.

I  started out by visiting my sister in Chicago. She just graduated from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, and I couldn't be happier for her. So proud! After enjoying the weekend with my family, I hopped on a plane and made way to Canada. I arrived in Toronto roughly two weeks ago, and I've since had the opportunity to catch up with my friends, explore the city, and ultimately do what ever it is that I want to do.

Surprisingly, the only thing I haven't been able do is any proper rock climbing. As is the case almost everywhere in North America, it's been raining. A lot. But last weekend a break in the forecast was enough to justify the 250 kilometer drive up north to Lion's Head. Unfortunately for us, despite the absence of precipitation, the entire cliff was saturated. Even the back up cliff, White's Bluff, was unclimbable. So we did what you do when things look bleak- we drank beer, we made up games, we acted foolish, and we made lemons into lemonade. As my friend Stephan pointed out, Some times you go rock climbing, and some times you don't. This time around we certainly didn't do anything that remotely resembled rock climbing, but we had a great time any way.

Storefront Display @ Mini Mioche

So while we wait for the weather to get its shit together, I've been pursuing other interests. I bought a beater bike and I've spent most of my days riding around the city, finding little gems, catching up on some personal work, and enjoying the stability found in the simplicity therein. As odd as it may seem, I'm enjoying the day to day I have here. Rock climbing has monopolized my time recently. And all things considered, I personally feel as though I haven't made any significant improvements in my actual ability to rock climb in quite some time. Trying to carve a path for yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally takes an unrelenting commitment to self-improvement. It's a lot of work. And sometimes that work isn't fun. But that's why it's such an incredible and rewarding experience. But, pursuing any endeavor so relentlessly is far from sustainable. So, while I truly enjoy living on the run, it seemed like it was time to ease my foot on to the brake.

The G-Ride

Genuine Canadian Steel

Obviously this will be short lived, as it certainly isn't normalcy in the sense that I can count on it for much longer. But I'm enjoying my break from reality- or at least what became my reality for the past two years. I've had this discussion with many of my friends, and many of them have admitted that feigning sympathy for my situation is not an easy thing to do. But I'm not looking for sympathy. What I'm looking for is a better understanding of our collective circumstances. The fact of the matter is that cliches like "the grass is always greener" exist because there's a profound truth to them. 

I've not had the stability that many people have and so often take for granted. And while I'm willing to admit that part of this has been my own doing, I certainly don't value stability any less. We're creatures of habit; we like security and the comfort inherent to such an institution. But regardless of my current state of affairs, I remain positive that I'll find my rhythm- one that will afford me the balanced lifestyle I've been looking for. Just like it goes in rock climbing, sometimes all you need to do is wait for the right conditions, let go of the head games, and, above all else, commit when you find yourself in a position to make that final push for the summit.

But! Until then I'll just keep plugging away. There are worse ways to spend the transitional phases in your life, right? I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not whittling away years of my life stuck in an office. I'm not making excuses or wishing things were different. I'm just trying to stay grounded and maybe do some rock climbing along the way.